My Sonata of Love

It was the day when I heard songs again

though the melody all seemed stark and plain.

It was the day when my soul changed;

how quick it was, I surely cannot gauge.

Was it perfect timing the moment you came,

when my being suddenly faced a different game?

I haven’t seen you, yet I strongly felt you;

in silent words, you eagerly came to my rescue.

You chased me as if I was your everything;

and all in this world for you was nothing.

Oh, how I gracefully bear the fondness you offered,

yet taken for granted that made you greatly suffered.

It was overwhelming and undeniably consuming;

but my nature wasn’t truthfully submitting.

You raced as if I was worth pursuing;

you didn’t halt until I finally gave in.

Rejecting I was, I probed questions;

demanded answers that insist my versions.

Was it real? I cried in agony;

yearning it was not the existing reality.

I knew you can tell what I was going through,

that when I asked for distance, you said, “You grow.”

I searched myself and discovered things my own;

but ruthless misery is what I only sown.

I learned to be still and calm myself;

in my heart I found you, I completely melt.

I plea candidly for your hallowed consecration

to be bestowed upon my entire generation.

I put you first and myself as last

and found exceeding joys in my adversity cries.

I held on tight when the push became hard,

looked up on you, I knew you’re on guard.

I said, “I trust you and my hope is in you.”

I said, “I want you to help me through and through.”

And my heart fills with abundant love;

I believe it comes from heaven above.

When “I love you” is within my grasp,

“I love you too”, I wanna say back.

My Shepherd

The LORD Is My Shepherd (Psalm 23)

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

I first learned this poem when I was six years old. I remember reciting this infront of a big crowd on the day of my kindergarten graduation. I was a picture of a confident little girl as I gracefully walk toward the stage when the host called my name for my declamation. My favorite teacher who wanted me to deliver the poem was standing at the area where I can easily see her. Her face was a portrait of pride for me as if she was telling, “Here is my lamb who I nurtured for a year. Now she is about to go on her own and I am ready to let her go.” Perhaps, that was really going on in her mind that made me feel truly sad because I know I will no longer see her.

Years have passed but I have not forgotten the poem she taught me. I may not have comprehended the meaning of the poem back then, but, my heart that memorized it for me completely understood it. My memories were vivid that every time I look back as if I am just watching a good show in television.

I was too young then to have thought the reason why she told me to recite that poem when I could have given a speech for my classmates and their parents. Decades after, I realized that she had given me the best gift a teacher can impart to her student, and that was the knowledge that God truly exists.

He is a living God, not just a character from the books I read. He is a God I can talk to and share my stories. He is a God I can laugh and cry with. He is a God I can easily call and can be with me at all times. He is a God who will never leave my side. He is a God who can shape me to become the person I am meant to be. He is a God who can break me to learn His ways. And, He is a God who loves me in all circumstances.

My favorite teacher has been long gone, but, I will forever remember her for helping me to grasp the knowledge of my life’s true shepherd.

His Legacy

He will be turning 68 if ever he is still alive. If he is, perhaps, he will still be the same old man – authoritative but kind, pushy but supportive, always in control but dependable, and strict but sweet – I know. He is my father. He’s been gone for six years, yet there are times I wish he is still alive.

When I was still a little girl, he was always there to look after me. He was always worried about my health. He was always thinking of ways for me to gain weight and to boost my immune system. He could easily tell if I was sick, and if I was, he would immediately give me a remedy he knew. When I underwent surgery nine years ago, he was my family who never left my side. He only went home to have his clothes changed. I wonder now if during those times he was able to sleep properly knowing there was no extra bed for him in the room. After my surgery, he did not stop taking care of me. He looked after what I needed and what I wanted to eat. He always checked on me if I had taken my medicines. He always stared at me as if he was telling me to just give to him my illness so I would feel better.

Yes, I can say, his compassion for me was like of a mother for my mom cannot do things the way he did for me. If I was his favorite child, maybe because I needed extra care due to my health condition. Needless to say, he was not there for me because I always got ill, he was there because he wanted to teach me many things. He was, in fact, my very first teacher. He taught me how to write my name. He taught me how to count. He taught me ABCs. He was the first person who believed that I can be the best person that I can be. He said that if others can, I can do better than them. He had been supportive of my endeavors when I was a student and when I was starting to figure out what I needed to do with my life and career.

Now, he’s gone. Me? I am no longer skinny but I still get sick. Here I am, I already figured out what I want in my life and what I need to do in my career, but he’s gone. Here I am and he’s gone, but his words remained in me. Yes, if others can do things, I can do it too. And perhaps, in better ways.

He’s gone, but his legacy lives on.